noise—
i lack any kind of discipline some days i dont understand how i function even less how society accepts me and finds me a place to be useful there are no work hours or deadlines or street signs that ill respect enough to exhibit any shade of productivity but the paycheck comes in every month just the same as the paycheck goes out uselessness masqueraded as success its amazing hail corporate.
ever since ive seen how fuckin big the world is ive felt like a born deaf kid who just got his hearing aids—on the one hand theres a new dimension of beauty and it can move you to tears on the other hand you have no idea how to filter signal from noise and the world is full of random sounds and screams and crashes and bangs that your attention is just dashing from one thing to another.
i wanna do this
i wanna learn that
i wanna go there
i wanna make everything
there is no isolating the wants when all my needs are accounted for.
it wouldnt be as soul crushing if id remind myself that sometimes just being is enough but curiosity is a two-sided blade and it cuts deep no matter how i handle it.
ive come to accept that ill be jumping from one interest to another for the rest of my life but at the same time i have to learn to cut away the loose ends and hanging threads of past passions in order to make room and time for the next fascination.
i wish i could make my head shut up enough to hear the quiet fullness of life.
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