downstream
kayaking
i figured out a few years ago that theres a kind of connection between my reduced capacity to empathise with the plight of others and the fact that i dont really worry about anything that does or can happen to me the latter mostly because i realised im smart enough to always land on my feet should the ground collapse under me and that this connection can either be interpreted in a positive or a negative way.
i chose the positive because it came natural even if im not the greatest optimist and summarised as a kind of concept and way of living go with the flow.
it basically meant that yeah ok im the kind that doesnt get shocked stuck in the moment and tries to move forward kinda riding the wave of what happens and while i still come back to the past sometimes i try not to let it corrupt any kind of decision by dragging along fears and frustrations from the then into the now.
i do ask myself often though if this is actually for the good i mean the mentality or if its something that just gathers shit up inside to blow up at one moment but i really havent felt much of a build-up and im kinda hoping thats how it actually is.
i also ask myself if i should actually worry more often but not for long cause i tend to forget and not worry about it too much.
the irony is often lost on me.
§