sonlight
alright you lets do this one proper-like red shirt red drink red lights spectrum on a piece of paper what do you have to say think do about yourself right now?
i will never be comfortable—
i will never be happy.
interconnected ideas branches across the river of your life organic fluid flowing down up trickling through your fingers you cannot crush water but it can crash down on you.
you have spoken the words one evening park bench somewhere north and thus you made them true as only you can offer shape to ghosts haunting you back. you have accepted the sentence damn the consequences this your choice your mantra by now oh holy holy om~
***
trading joy for discoverance you merchant polo player
shout it out let nanking hear :
my actions are immortal for i have done them so
i chose i knew and i accepted
i have made a ripple
across space time self
future now the past already present
a scar tattood on psyche
ink to write the rest of my days with
—yes.
a burgeoning necessity to make drastic decisions
dastardly dripping damnably drooping
daringly devising thy demise
thinking that if you record your ailment
it justifies its parasitic existence and thus
cerberus hell yes be pleased three heads better
than two.
: it is flawed
; of course.
we toe a thin red line between accepting our grotesques and converting them to beauties as we accept who we are against a snow white noise background of empowerment thats actually the illusion of fairness no magic mirror to tell them apart the only truth we reveal these days is right bloody here paper clad in crimson light.
maybe this call lost you no credit when did we last feel truly happy they say you can get used to anything but strangers say many things and we agreed to pay them little heed no need to further complicate when you’ve barely enough to eat.
we are thin for a reason
(what did those kids sling slang about?)
choice.
record your own existence by way of thought process yet corrupted under/by influence of those you wish to become as if.
you can string along pretentious concepts as you adapted adopted a vocabulary above your intellectual pay grade i wonder if this itself is not a form of comfort—you couldve always done with much less money pillows words too—but is all we have we use hands get tired not exhausted thank you very much.
empty studio hardwood floor we may never have it so will then empty space hardearth ground serve us faithfully as well? its not as romantic but then again weve never been great lovers havent we the only thing weve adored is our potential not even ourselves heh.
***
son of magellan sail for the edge of the world crest the waves as you seek find discard another treasure lined up they always bury the good ones but they will not bury we.
scurvy-ridden rat-bitten the mess you make scatters breadcrumbs no one can follow revel in the grime the dirt the dust you leave behind clouds shall form and drip—drip—drip back down nourish the soil fluid flow or no our water will break and whether it will crush crash upon our choices once made will have made us comfortable with the uncomfortable outcomes.
here you stand in the rain
but tonight you sleep in a bed
how much longer?
a night
a day
let them
come as they might.
§